Deer Hunter’s Log: A Day In The Life Of A Deer Hunter

Deer Hunter’s Log:

A Day In The Life Of A Deer Hunter

1:00 AM: Alarm clock rings.

2:00 AM: Hunting partners arrive – drag you out of bed.

2:30 AM: Throw everything except kitchen sink into pickup.

3:00 AM: Leave for deep woods.

3:15 AM: Turn around and drive back home to pick up gun.

3:30 AM: Drive like crazy to get to the woods before daylight.

4:00 AM: Set up camp – Forgot the stupid tent.

4:30 AM: Head for the woods.

6:05 AM: See eight deer.

6:06 AM: Take aim and squeeze trigger.

6:07 AM: “CLICK”

6:08 AM: Load gun while watching deer go over hill.

8:00 AM: Head back to camp.

9:00 AM: Still looking for camp.

10:00 AM: Realize that you don’t know where camp is.

12 NOON : Fire gun for help – Eat wild berries.

2:15 PM: Run out of bullets – Eight deer come back.

2:20 PM: Strange rumbling feeling in stomach.

2:30 PM: Realize that you ate poison berries.

2:45 PM: Rescued.

2:55 PM: Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped – Throw up instead.

3:15 PM: Arrive back at camp.

3:30 PM: Leave camp to hunt deer.

4:00 PM: Return to camp for bullets.

4:01 PM: Load gun – Leave camp again.

5:00 PM: Empty out gun on bug that is annoying you.

6:00 PM: Arrive at camp – See deer grazing.

6:01 PM: Load gun.

6:02 PM: Fire gun.

6:03 PM: One dead pickup.

6:05 PM: Hunting partners arrive in camp dragging deer.

6:06 PM: Repress desire to shoot hunting partners.

6:07 PM: Fall into fire.

6:10 PM: Change clothing – Throw scorched clothes in fire.

6:15 PM: Take pickup – Leave hunting partners and deer carcass in camp.

6:25 PM: Pickup overheats and boils over due to hole shot in engine block.

6:26 PM: Start walking.

6:30 PM: Stumble and fall – Drop gun – Lands in mud.

6:35 PM: Encounter bear.

6:36 PM: Take aim.

6:37 PM: Fire gun – Blow up barrel that’s plugged with mud.

6:38 PM: Defecate in jeans.

6:39 PM: Climb tree.

11:00 PM: Bear finally leaves – Wrap f-in gun around tree.

12 Midnight: Home at last – Fall on knees thanking Maker.

Next day: Stay home – Watch football game on TV – Tear up hunting license into small pieces – place in envelope – Mail to Game Warden giving very explicit instructions as to what he can do with it.