Idiot Awards – Here’s Your Sign!

golden_idiotHere are some actual accounts from across America of a combination of stupid criminals plus a few other not-to-bright folks. You might even call them “intellectually challenged” or “dimwits“. They’re usually not the sharpest tools in the shed while  some may even be close to 51 cards short of a full deck.

Sit back and enjoy 🙂

A Mom’s Not-To-Bright Solution

A report came in from a medical student  currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center claiming… Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her  little daughter eating  ants.  She was quickly reassured that the ants were not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation, happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.  She was told that she  better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

Here’s your sign,  lady –  Wear it with pride.


Not quite eligible for employees of the month

Early this year, some  Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a  life raft from one of the 747’s. They were successful in getting it out of  the plane and home. Shortly after they  took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming  towards them.  It turned out  that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locater beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.  Needless to say, they are no longer employed at  Boeing.

Here’s your sign guys – Don’t get it wet – the paint might run.


Stay in school kids … and pay attention!

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the local branch and wrote on a deposit slip, “this iz a stikkup –  Put all yur muny in this bag.” While  standing in line, waiting to give his note to  the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might  call the police before he reached  the teller’s window.  So he left the Bank  of America and crossed the street  to the Wells Fargo Bank.  After  waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his  note to the Wells Fargo teller.  She  read it and, surmising from his spelling  errors, that he wasn’t the brightest light in  the harbor, told him that she could  not accept his stickup note because it was  written on a Bank of America  deposit slip and that he would either have to  fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go  back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said,  “OK” and left.  He was arrested a few  minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Don’t bother with this  guy’s sign …..  He probably couldn’t read it anyway.

A picture is worth a thousand words or…..

A motorist was  unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured  his speed using radar and photographed  his car.  He later received in the  mail, a ticket for $40 and a photo of his  car.  Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several  days later, he received a letter  from the police that contained another  picture, this time, of handcuffs.  He  immediately mailed in his  $40.

Smart ass ….. But you still get a  sign.

With age eventually comes wisdom

A guy walked into a  little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of  the  cash from the cash drawer. After the  cashier put the cash in a bag, the  robber saw a bottle of  Scotch that he wanted  behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as  well, but the cashier refused and said, “You don’t look like you’re over 21.”  The robber insisted he was, but the clerk  still refused to give it to him because  she didn’t believe him.  At this point,  the robber, getting flustered, took his driver’s license out of  his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and acknowledged that the  man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.  The robber  then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave  the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.  They arrested the robber two hours  later.

This guy definitely  needs a sign.

Not following directions can be hazardous to your health

A pair of Michigan robbers entered  a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted,  “Nobody move or I’ll shoot!” When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn’t even deserve a sign.

Willpower versus a “higher power”

From a small town in Arkansas ~ Seems this guy  wanted some beer pretty badly.  He decided  that he’d just throw a cinder block through a  liquor store window, grab some  booze, and run.  So, he lifted the cinder  block and heaved it over his head at  the window .  The cinder block bounced  back, hitting him in the head, instantly knocking him unconscious.  It  seems the liquor store window was made of plexi-glass. The whole event was  caught on videotape.

Yep, here’s your  sign.


Sign, sign, everywhere a sign…

I live in a semi-rural area (Weyauwega, Wisconsin). We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the “Deer Crossing” sign on our road. The reason being (and I quote) “Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! – I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore”.

Probably wouldn’t even know what to do with the sign anyways.


Thought for the week …..

To err is human….. but being an idiot takes something special.


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